


In Your Hands, My Heart

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Comic Elements, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 03:42:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18296138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: Despite his agreement with Rick, Negan left to go infiltrate Alpha's camp,  once he returns he realizes that he really screwed things up.





	In Your Hands, My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> this is my fic using prompt #10 - "you ruined us."
> 
>  
> 
> i used some dialogue from the comics & hopefully this is angsty & interesting enough! please feel free to leave comments!

Returning with Alpha’s head wasn’t for anyone else but Rick.

 

 

Negan had no care in the world what any other person thought about it. He almost damn near carried the head bare handed. Anything to appease Rick and possibly help him forgive fucking up the agreement.

 

 

Expecting them to resume whatever they were was fucking foolish, Negan knew that, though unfortunately he was willing to see what would happen.

 

 

From a distance he could see people pointing guns in his direction and it barely fazed him.  Not much really did anymore. Unless it pertained to Rick then he was a fucking mess of a person. Heart shattered on the floor and all that dramatic shit. Negan waved at everyone that was staring at him and didn’t make any sudden movements nor resisted being escorted.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What the hell is in that bag, Negan?” Rick was first to speak to him when he was brought into one of the trailers. “I want a damn explanation for why you left -”

 

 

Negan gave Rick a pointed look and emptied the bag’s contents. When Alpha’s head came rolling out, Michonne and Rick both gasped at the reveal. It was understandable to have that reaction at a severed head. But Negan hoped at the very least it would lead to them being happy about it.

 

“It’s really her.”  
  
  
  
  
”Of course it’s her. You think I’m trying to pull a fast one here?”

   
  


“Forgive me if I’m not quick to trust you one hundred percent.”

   


With that comment all Negan could do was roll his eyes because he could have not come back. Hell, joining those weird fucks was a legitimate option for a while there. Spending years in the cell gave him time to think and listen in on conversations. Negan could have helped the Whisperers destroy all of their little communities. Instead he came all the way back with Alpha’s head but Rick still didn’t trust him? He sat there patiently waiting for some gratitude.

   


Michonne interrupted his fantasy by questioning his allegiance. “Why would you come back here?”

   
  


“Rick. I came back for Rick. Sorry if that’s hard to fucking hear but it’s the goddamn truth. Now, you both can try to pretend I’m the same man or believe that I’ve changed. Personally I don’t care as much what you think, Michonne.”

   
  


“That’s good ‘cause I believe you’re still the same asshole as you’ve always been. Just a different outfit and some loyalty to people who don’t need you.”  
  
  


“I think that’s some jealousy coming out. You’re pissed ‘cause you and Rick never did get back together. Instead he chose to give me a shot.”

   
  


“Shut your damn mouth.”

   
  


“Enough! Both of you.” Rick used his stern voice and Negan tried not to pop a fucking boner. Then he turned his attention to Negan once more. “We need to have a conversation but first you need to tell me about the camp. How many people do they really have?”

   


“Those fuckers have a fair amount of people but not more than us. It’s the goddamn herd that we’ve got to worry about. I heard Alpha talkin’ about it and her lap dog Beta was wanting to attack. Since y’all got Lydia she’s really not happy.”  
  


 

Out of nowhere Carl came barging into the room and when he saw Negan he scowled. Ever since the kid had a brush with death he’d become more ruthless. In his opinion it was fucking impressive and made Negan proud.

   
  


Though of course Rick didn’t really like his attitude as of late.

   
  


“When did you return?” Carl questioned Negan immediately.  
  


 

Negan gave Carl a toothy grin. “Today.”  
  


 

“So you cut off Alpha’s head and now what? Are we going to war with them? Should I tell Lydia her mom’s dead?”

   
  


“If you feel comfortable doin’ that but I don’t know, Carl. Her mother was a terrible person but it was still her mom. So try not to show your excitement too much.”

   
  


“You think I’m excited about telling my girlfriend that her mom is dead?” Carl furrowed his brows. “That’s what you fucking think of me?”  
  


 

“Carl! Watch your language.”  
  


 

“I’m not a kid anymore, dad. So stop treating me like one.”

   
  


The kid stormed out before Rick could try to remedy the situation and it felt like an awkward family moment. Negan coughed to interrupt the silence in the room. “We need to get back to the situation at hand and by that I mean Alpha’s head. Preparing for a fucking fight is crucial ‘cause it’s a guarantee Beta’s seen her headless body by now.”

   
  


“I hate to say it but he’s right,” Michonne sighed, resting her hands on her hips. “They’ll be coming for us even harder now and we can’t fight the herd. It’ll take down this whole place.”

   
  


“Then it’s time to get ready to fight.”

 

 

As soon as Michonne left them alone it got tense once more.

   
  


The way they left things had been shitty and confusing and Negan wasn’t about to let it stay that way.

   
  


“We gotta address the elephant in the room. Which by elephant I mean our relationship and where we stand.”

   
  


“Negan, we don’t have a relationship.”  
  


 

Those words stung like a motherfucker.

   
  


“You’re only saying that ‘cause I fucked up and left and destroyed whatever trust you had in me. But Rick you gotta know that I left to help fix this whole thing. I knew that infiltrating their camp would work. None of them have met me and you know that shit. So Alpha wouldn’t clue into any deception and yes I considered joining them. Only because I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back.”

   
  


“Negan - “

   
  


“I didn’t actually care what they stood for ‘cause they’re fucked up weirdos. Did you know they rape people there? Underage teenagers and all. I knew they had to be stopped before then but goddamn. It made me sick to my stomach ‘cause Alpha didn’t really care about it. She only cared about Beta and her weird ass daughter. That’s fucking it. So killing her wasn’t a fucking problem for me. I killed her for you specifically and also I wanted her dead.”

   
  


“You think that fixes you leavin’ and disappearing for two weeks? For all I knew you were joining them or would come back to just betray me. I told that if you left, without any notice, that you’d go back to the cell.”

   
  


“I don’t understand why you’re so fucking mad! I came back and brought that woman’s head and didn’t resist being dragged in here. Does that not count for shit?”

   
  


“You ruined us,” Rick hissed. “You did whatever you wanted ‘cause that’s what you do. And you only did it to earn brownie points.”

   
  


“Rick, tell me how could two weeks ruin shit?”

   
  


“It ruined it ‘cause I already didn’t trust you.”  
  


 

Just like Carl he walked right out of the room without even offering so much as a glance back. Negan felt like he was left there with his dick in his palm. And he didn’t know if the feeling would stop. He could almost feel Rick's heart in his hands and it fucking hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> my heart- ex:re is where the title came from.


End file.
